Season two quotes

Flight

Out of the Past

Deep Water

Season two up to and including Blind Man's Bluff. Sorry, but I don't have time to sit down and write down the rest of the series.

FLIGHT

BLAIR: They're gonna have a great time.
JIM: They're gonna kill eachother!

********************

JIM: You wanna go along for the ride?
Blair: Yeah!
JIM: Then you do what I tell you, when I tell you, no questions asked...
Blair: Huh... So what else is new?

********************

BLAIR: I can't believe I'm doing this!
SANDOVAL: God be with you señor.
BLAIR: That's great! Right now, I can use all the help I can get!

********************

BLAIR: Wait a minute, Jim. I've got something in my pants man!
JIM: How exciting.
BLAIR: Whoa (pulls a lizard from his pants)... Oh my GOD!

********************

SIMON: And don't you try anything! My son is the top student in his Spanish class.
DARYL: Com esta oste, amigo? Si, hablo español... Yeah!

********************

BLAIR: Can you believe these guys? Who's gonna steal a truck in the middle of the jungle?
DARYL: We are man!
BLAIR:... RIGHT!

********************

BLAIR: I knew I should've taken auto shop!

********************

OUT OF THE PAST

SIMON: Her last album did some really big numbers. She had one hit on there that was just slammin' ...tpoch poch poch tuh poch... My son listens to her OK?!
BLAIR: It's all right. I really dig it you know, when the older generation gets in the new stuff.

********************

JIM: If you see anything, call me.
BLAIR: On what?
JIM: Just call me.
BLAIR: Oh... right, right, right...

********************

BLAIR: Come on, man. You've got the attention span of a gerbil.

********************

BLAIR: Now lets journey to that part of the brain where your senses converge.
JIM: What's this? Fantastic Voyage?
BLAIR: Jim, if you don't want to cooperate...
JIM: All right, all right... I'm converging.

********************

DEEP WATER

JACK PENDERGRAST (looking at the money): Who says you guys can't buy happiness?

********************

SIMON: Cool it with the eyes, will you?

********************

JACK: Oh, yeah, one other thing. You wanna ride with me, get yourself some decent clothes! And lose the earring will you, I wouldn't want the bad guys to get the wrong impression!

********************

JIM: Would you cut that out!
BLAIR: What?
JIM: Those concerned glances. Like somebody's lost puppy-dog.

********************

BLAIR: That's right!!!!!!

********************

JIM: What do you feel?
BLAIR: The car?!

********************

SIMON: Anytime you feel like jumping in with an explanation.

********************

JIM: What's this?
BLAIR: It's food, Jim, remember that?

********************

REUNION

BLAIR: Whew! Check out the bowtie! If not us, who? If not now, when? Oh man! And I thought I was a geek in High School!
JIM & SIMON: WAS?!

********************

BLAIR: Peggy? Who's Peggy?
SIMON: Nobody...
BLAIR: Who's Peggy, Jim?

********************

SIMON: You know guys... I haven't been kayaking in a long time... I mean we could still...
JIM: I'm sorry, Sir, we only have two kayaks.
SIMON: Well, we could trade off, you know... All right, how about this. How about you guys come in for a drink with me? One drink? I'm buying!
BLAIR: You know what, Jim? I believe that our otherwise fearless Captain... I think he's afraid to go in there alone, man!

********************

DAVE BECKER(looking at Blair): You guys must do a lot of undercover work, huh?!

********************

BLAIR: That must be her... Peggy!
BLAIR & JIM: The one that got away!

********************

JIM: You're telling me we're lost?
BLAIR: No, no, no, we're not lost. We're just forty miles in the wrong direction, that's all!
JIM: Oh, just forty miles, well, you were supposed to be navigating here, Chief!

********************

SIMON: Sandburg, will you quit talking about me like I'm not even here! I'm not hysterical!

********************

SIMON: I should've gone with you guys.
JIM: Well; the way Sandburg navigates we probably would be lost and mauled by a Sasquatch or two.

********************

PAYBACK

BLAIR: Ooh... Aw... What's with the missing pinkie?
JIM: It's called Ubitsume, when a Yak-soldier disgraces his boss, or O-jiban as they call him, he has to offer a piece of himself in return, as tribute...
SIMON: Oh... I like that... Take a note of that Sandburg?
BLAIR: Duly noted!

*********************

HESSMAN: What? No cavity search?

*********************

SIMON: There's no smoking in here! Put it out! (raises cigar to his lips, I especially like the look on the other guys face)

*********************

JIM: You didn't answer my question.
AKIKO: You're right... I didn't.

*********************

JIM: All right, I'll bite. What's up?
BLAIR: Nothing...
JIM: Nothing?
BLAIR: Well... All right, there is something. I mean we work together every day, right? I'm staying at your place and still you're like this enigma!
JIM: Enigma?
BLAIR: Yeah, an enigma!
JIM: What do you mean?
BLAIR: What do I mean? That thing with the bikes today, the Harley's, you're an expert!
JIM: I was into bikes in High School...
BLAIR: Why didn't you tell me?
JIM: You never asked! This was supposed to be an academic relationship, next thing I know you're gonna want the PIN-number to my ATM.
BLAIR: 3840, your parents birthdays remember?

********************

BLAIR: Look man, if I'm ever gonna construct a valid sensory profile of you, I'm gonna need everything, the whole mosaic...
JIM: What did you say?
BLAIR: I need to know everything...
JIM: Everything?
BLAIR: Yeah, from the moment your mother had that C-section.

********************

BLAIR: Hates her boss, huh? Yeah, you're a good judge of women.

********************

JIM: What was that? No, don't tell me. You call for backup and stay behind him, way behind him!

********************

BLAIR: Pfew! Hey Jim, I'm finally getting some insight in why you guys do this stuff! I mean the adrenaline rush! My endorphins are SPIKING!

********************

SIMON: So let me understand this. First your research assistant is involved in a high speed chase then you...
BLAIR: Actually... uhm... It's Teaching-fellow, Captain...
SIMON: Then you lose a murder suspect in traffic... That's real good, Jim!

********************

BLAIR: Hey, how about letting me drive, man?
JIM: Euh no, thank you...
BLAIR: Why not?
JIM: Because I've got a 1000 dollars deductible on my insurance, you left the bathroom a complete mess and the Mariners lost to Texas, how many other reasons do you need?

********************

BLAIR: ‘Born to lose'? I guess he did, huh?

********************

JIM: Somebody's got enough C4 to turn downtown Cascade into waterfront property!

********************

TRUE CRIME

BLAIR: Do you guys know what I could do with two million dollars... The studies...
JIM: The mind boggles, Chief

********************

BLAIR: Hey, Jim
JIM: Okay, what's her name?
BLAIR: Why? Can't a guy be happy for some reason other then...
JIM: Not you!
BLAIR: All right. It was Emily
JIM: You kids today...

********************

SIMON: You'll be babysitting a team from 'True Crime' during your investigation.
JIM: What crime?

********************

HAWTHORNE: Think 'documentary', think a day in the life', your life detective Ellison!
JIM: One step over the line and you can think Bye Bye !

********************

HAWTHORNE: So tell me about the real James Ellison. What your hobbies are, what you dream about, all the things you think!
JIM: STOP!
BLAIR: Jim, calm down! It might be fun! Relax!

********************

BLAIR: Well, you see, with some enthusiasts it's a specific team or a year, with me it's 1961. Still with others it's a specific player sort of like euh...
JIM: An obsession?

********************

CAMERA GUY: Don't shoot, mate! It's only us!
JIM: What the hell are you two doing here?
WENDY HAWTHORNE: Roll camera!
CAMERA GUY: Wendy he has a gun!
WENDY: Guns are good. This is a cop show! Roll camera! Keep rolling and never stop shooting until I tell you to!
JIM: Sandburg, you'd better take this gun because I'm gonna shoot them, I'm gonna shoot them!
WENDY: This is exactly what we're going for: the gun, the bod, the whole image! Nice, really nice! Listen, could we just get you... brushing your teeth, with your shoulder holster on? Maybe in a towel? A day in the life!

********************

WENDY: You know you have a very good look, Detective... Solid, capable but not dull; tough yet sensitive. Only you'd smile a little more often.
JIM: What? Am I auditioning for some toothpaste add here? I'm a cop, not a debutante.

********************

WENDY: Is it me you don't like detective, or just what I do for a living?
JIM: Is there a difference?

********************

JIM: Let's begin with the easy questions first. Who are you?
MICK: Who are any of us really?
JIM: Your name?
MICK: My friends call me 'Mick', but you can call me 'Sir'
JIM: Just be grateful I don't call you an ambulance.

********************

JIM: Please accept my humble apologies
WENDY: I accept your apology
JIM: Thanks Miss Hawthorne
WENDY: You can call me Wendy...
JIM: You can call me Jim...
BLAIR: Call me stunned!

********************

JIM: It was my operation. It's my fault!
BLAIR: Don't do this to yourself, Jim!

********************

SIMON: We found him on a little league field!
BLAIR: Center Field...
JIM: Dead Center

********************

JIM: What was that?
BLAIR: What?
JIM: A high pitched, you know, metal-against-metal vibration...
BLAIR: Sounds familiar?
JIM: Kinda like... (makes terrible ridiculous sound)
BLAIR: What did it sound like?
JIM: You know (starts making sound again, Blair really on the floor here!)... Oh, man!
BLAIR: A sentinel you may be, but Rich Little, you are not my friend!
......
BLAIR: I was just joking!

********************

JIM: That's pretty damn smart!
BLAIR: Who's that: us or them?
JIM: Both!
BLAIR: Right!

********************

JIM: Just don't try and turn hero on me Blair, OK?
BLAIR: Me? You must be joking!

********************

BAD GUY: Patience is not something I'm good at!
WENDY: There's always room for improvement!

********************

JIM: Keep your head down and stick with me!
BLAIR: Thanks Jim.
JIM: That way I can keep my eye on you!
BLAIR: THANKS Jim!

********************

BLAIR: Did you just make a date?
JIM: Yeah, I guess...
BLAIR: All right, pretty smooth! Just be careful
JIM: Of what?
BLAIR: You know! 'Dinner at eight’, ‘News at Eleven'...
JIM: Aaah, that's nice...

********************

ICE MAN

AMBER: I have a chemistry midterm on Friday, but I'm free for the weekend.
MAX: Perfect, there is an executive coming in from Belgium (!) looking for some diversion after business hours.

********************

JIM: You...euh sure you're ready for this, Chief?
BLAIR: Think I've never been to a strip club before?
JIM: This is a little more then a strip club.
BLAIR: I was in Malaysia once and I spend a month with this tribe that believed that sex was a religious ritual that had to be preformed 6 times every... OH... MY... GOD...!

********************

JIM: Come on Darwin, you need a cold shower?

********************

BLAIR: OH MAN... Would you look at all these women?

********************

BLAIR: Jim, I know this girl, I mean I don't know her, but I've seen her before...
JIM: You're holding out on me?

********************

JIM: It's about Max Vaughn...
AMBER: Who?
JIM: Your Home Video director.

********************

AMBER: And you're gonna protect me right?
BLAIR: We will if you let us, I know you're scared but if you trust me, I won't let you down.

********************

JIM: Oh man, I don't believe this...
BLAIR: What?
JIM: You've got a thing for her!
BLAIR: Come on, no I don't, she's cute, she's just not my type, even if she wasn't a...
JIM: Hooker?
BLAIR: See there? That word has a definite connotation to it... Did you know that in ancient Egypt that prostitutes... they were venerated.
JIM: Well, I don't see any pyramids around here, so lets try and keep it professional... OK Chief

********************

BLAIR: Hey, are you hungry?
AMBER: I could eat an elephant.
BLAIR: Elephants, we're out of, I'll make you a sandwich.

********************

JIM: Why am I smelling perfume here?
BLAIR: That's what I wanted to talk to you about...
JIM: Wait a minute, you're supposed to be doing police work and you're dilly-dolling around with some girl? Where is she?
BLAIR: She's in the bathroom, you don't understand...

*********************

BLAIR: That's what I was trying to tell you; you see Amber she came to us for help. Well... to me actually!
JIM: She came to YOU?!

*********************

JIM: OK kids, everybody, hang on!
BLAIR: I hate it when he does this!
AMBER: Does what?

*********************

JIM: Remember what I said about keeping it professional.
BLAIR: Right
JIM: Hey Hey, I mean the cop way!

*********************

BLAIR: Be careful or it might fall of!
AMBER: You look good in a beard
BLAIR: O yes? I grew one once when I was in Sumatra. I woke up one morning when I found out that a couple of spiders had made their nest in it, I've been a clean shaver ever since... That was supposed to make you laugh... It's a joke.
AMBER: I'm sorry, I'm just nervous that's all...

*********************

AMBER: Where's Jim?
BLAIR: Don't worry, he's got us covered!

*********************

BLAIR: He's got great ears. You'd be surprised what they can pick up!

*********************

THE RIG

BLAIR: What's going on, man? You got a hot date tonight or something?
JIM: Time to get organised, Chief. This mess here is starting to drive me crazy!
BLAIR: What mess? (throws jacket on couch)
JIM: Two weeks ago this was a peanut butter and sprouts on whole grain...Now it's an experiment in germ warfare!

*********************

BLAIR: Don't you think you're getting a little territorial here?
JIM: Territorial?
BLAIR: Yeah, territorial. Let's take the refrigerator for example...You've got the leftovers colour-coded, you've got yours in blue and mine in red and lets talk about your house rules a little bit here... I can't flush the toilet after ten o' clock. I can't play any music that you can hear out here in the living room! Who can live like that?
JIM:I can live like that!

***********************

BLAIR: Would you look at that ocean? So raw, so primal...
JIM: So deep...
BLAIR: Sorry, I love this stuff! It's an adventure, Hemingway, Jack London, you know! Men against the sea!
MAGGIE: Just men, huh? Hate to burst your bubble Captain Ahab but this is a co-ed operation!
BLAIR; I didn't mean anything...
MAGGIE: Look, we're gonna be on that rig in another five minutes, but that storm front is moving in pretty fast so it's gonna get kinda bumpy. Strap in that tight little butt of yours, OK Lamb chop...
JIM: Need any help there, Lamb chop?
MAGGIE: You too, beefsteak!

*********************

BLAIR: Maybe there's some kind of protocol involved here. There are certain tribes in the Amazon that...newcomers actually have to strip down and...
JIM: I'm detective Ellison...

*********************

MEDIC: Cause of death was a sudden reduction of pressure in the dive-system, causing massive tissue- and organ damage.
BLAIR: So in other words...he blew up?
MEDIC: yes...

*********************

JIM: I'm gonna need to see the body.
MEDIC: I don't think that's a good idea.
JIM: I do.
. . .
JIM: Tell me something, How does a man do that to himself, accidentally?

*********************

JIM: I smell smoke.
MAGGIE: Must be your imagination. We've got state-of-the-art smoke detectors on this rig, they smell it way before you....Where's he going?
JIM: This way!
MAGGIE: You're telling me his nose is more sensitive then smoke-detectors?
BLAIR: Go figure!

*********************

(After hauling Jim out of the oil vat)
JIM: Thanks!
BLAIR: No problem...just don't touch me.

**********************

MAGGIE: And I thought cops were supposed to be dumb. You’re smart beefsteak. Too damn smart. You too, Lamb chop.

**********************

MAGGIE: You heard the man, better put on some clothes. I got two brothers, don't be shy. (Looks at Jim) I gotta get of this rig and get me a boyfriend!

**********************

BLAIR: You don't have to do this, you know!
MAGGIE: You mean give it all up and go straight for you? You're cute honey, but you're not that cute!

**********************

JIM: Guess now I'm ready for the really big challenge!
BLAIR: What's that?
JIM: Housebreaking you. We got a couple of rules around the house we're gonna attend to.
BLAIR: Like what?
JIM: Well first of all there's not gonna be any shoes allowed in the apartment, on the premises they're gonna be kept at the door like they do in Japan.
BLAIR: Oh, come on!
JIM: Next there's not gonna be any of those smelly foods you have from foreign countries that aren't even on the map.
BLAIR: Don't you think you're taking this a little too far?
JIM: No; no, and I'm also thinking about getting those plastic covers for the furniture.
BLAIR: WHAT?!!

**********************

SPARE PARTS

JIM: Don’t you think she'd be happier in a hotel?
BLAIR: NO!
JIM:I mean, a couple of guys going around belching, throwing their underwear on the floor. I just don't feel like monitoring my behaviour in my own home.
BLAIR: You don't have to, she's very open, totally New Age, one of the original hippies. She even used to date Timothy Leary, well not date, more like live with. In fact I've always thought he might've been my.......
JIM: Your father? Well, knowing you that doesn't surprise me, Chief.
BLAIR: Well, I did have a lot of candidates to consider. Seems like every man Naomi met would fall in love with her. She never stayed with any of them for very long.
JIM: Well, that's too bad...
BLAIR: Are you kiddin' me?! It was great! I went to three World Series, five NBA-playoff games, beautiful!
JIM:I meant for her...
BLAIR: You don't know my mom!

**********************

JIM: I need names!
DELUCA: Yeah, I need a break, and I'm not talking about my other arm, neither!

**********************

BLAIR: Jim, You lied?
JIM: No, I didn't lie... I had a friend of mine who had a rig. He let me tool around with it a little bit, but...
BLAIR: But what?
JIM: Well, it didn't have a trailer attached to it. This is...
BLAIR: Different...

**********************

JIM: How do you know so much about this?
BLAIR: I spent a summer driving across country in my uncle's rig, I did half the driving. You want me to take you trough the basics again?
JIM: No, I don't want you to take me trough the basics again!

***********************

BLAIR: No, no, I don't think that such a good idea, mom. I mean it's Jim's place, he's got the furniture arranged the way he likes it , you know. I know, I know, It's a little out of line with the next harmonic convergence, but I don't think we're gonna be falling trough a crack in the earth next Tuesday, okay? It's just for a couple of nights.
JIM: I'll pay for the hotel, okay?
BLAIR: Come on, Jim! You'll love her! Stop!
(The whole dismissive handwavy-thingie that he does. Adorable!)

*******************

NAOMI: Look at this hair! It's so sixties (or sexy?)! You look beautiful!

*******************

BLAIR: Jim, he's allergic to sage.
NAOMI: Oh, that's awful! How do you stay clean?
JIM: I shower.
NAOMI: Oh no, I mean how do you get rid of this negative energy?
JIM: I shower.
NAOMI: I hear that.

**********************

NAOMI: You know it's ironic. I've spent so much time demonstrating against the tyranny of the pigs, and now... Oh, I'm sorry, no offence intended...
JIM: I hear that.

***********************

JIM: Naomi, the sage...
NAOMI: Yeah, more sage.

***********************

JIM: You know Blair, Naomi's a very attractive woman. I never would've guessed that she's so young.
BLAIR: Whoa, whoa, just keep guessing Jim! That's my mom! Take a cold shower, man!

**********************

NAOMI: I hear that, I hear that.... Hello?!
I'm letting this go, I'm letting this go, I'm letting this go... GOD! Why can't they play some decent music?!

**********************

JIM: What was that with the attitude back there, Chief? You almost got us talked out of the case!
BLAIR: That was the idea, man!
DELUCA: He's right! I know these creeps, they'll eat the little guy for breakfast! Now if you ask me, you'd better pack in, right now!
JIM: Nobody's asking you! (Tosses Deluca back) Your breath is bothering me.

**********************

SIMON: Blair doing this kind of undercover! The department could be in all kinds of hot water.
JIM: He'll sign a waver, sir.
BLAIR: Hey man, speak for yourself!
JIM: Come on Blair, this is a ...
BLAIR & JIM: Golden opportunity...
BLAIR: to do some real police-work and put some hardcore criminals behind bars, right?
JIM: Wait a second, man. I mean, you're usually chopping into bits to do something like this.
BLAIR: I know, but this guy scares me. I'm gonna be alone in a ten-ton truck with some psycho named Gary with a loaded gun!

***********************

SIMON: It's still your choice, though.
BLAIR: Good! I choose to live!
SIMON: Great. Someone else might have something to say about that, though.

********************

BLAIR: Mom! Come on, detach with love! Thanks for the support man.
SIMON: Let's...let's get back to work, okay?
BLAIR: Hey Simon, I just wanted to say...
SIMON: Please don't. The memory is already too painful.
BLAIR: Hey come on!
SIMON: Bep, bep, bep...OUT! Out!

(And then that adorable smile as he closes the door behind Blair, so cute!)

*******************

(Naomi is stretching after her meditation and Blair notices Jim is drooling;)
BLAIR: (hits Jim) Hey man, cut that out! Don't do that!

*******************

NAOMI: You know, that was kinda fun!
BLAIR: What?!
NAOMI: Keeping your cool, not blowing your cover! You know what that reminds me of? You know when you used to dress up in that super-hero costume and you made me be the foreign evil spy? You remember that Blair? How you used to drive to the lair in your super mobile? He used to sit on the back of the toilet and flush to make it go!

*******************

BLAIR: Hey Jim, That's my mom!
JIM: Aren't you lucky!
BLAIR: MOM!

*******************

NAOMI: Here he is, It's his third grade year and he was playing Richard Nixon and for weeks he was running around going 'I am not a crook! I am not a crook!'
BLAIR: What the hell is going on here?!
NAOMI: Blair, look! He's eating tongue! He likes it!
JIM: You hear that?
BLAIR: Yeah, I hear that.
JIM: Come on, dig in!
NAOMI: Have some, honey!
BLAIR:I think I'm gonna need a drink. Gimme the wine.
JIM: Cheers, bottoms up, right? Next we'll have some oesophagus.

**********************

SECOND CHANCE
(The return of airhead)

JIM: Joe Crane was on the force for thirty years. It was a good thing to do to give him a decent send-off.
BLAIR: 'Decent' would be an understatement.
JIM: You're the one who thought cops couldn't take care of business when it comes to partying, right?
BLAIR: I stand corrected, alright? There's one thing I gotta know, though. How in the world did you get that horse to ride up in the hotel elevator?
JIM: A quart of maple syrup.
BLAIR: Aaaah Sugar-rush. No wonder it kicked out the window.

*********************

JIM: Number one, you're not a cop, you're a civilian observer. Number two, you're personally involved!
BLAIR: When did that stop you?
JIM: Hmm, this is not about me

********************

JIM: What kind of Danish is that?
SIMON: Pineapple.
JIM: I hate pineapple.
SIMON: Yeah, I know...

*********************

BLAIR: Only you could have Chinese food for breakfast!
JIM: Fried eggs, poached eggs, eggs foo young, what's the difference?
BLAIR: I know what you're thinking. She's got me using my heart, not my head, right?
JIM: Actually, I'm thinking...what does it mean when your fortune is blank?

. . .

I got the feeling I got a gun in my side.

*********************

UNCLE GUSTAVO: You damn stubborn Americans, everythin' s a bitchin' contest, huh!

*********************

BLAIR: What exactly do you do back in Chile?
GUSTAVO: I'm retired
JIM: From what?
GUSTAVO: From what I did before!
JIM: That clarifies things.

*********************

GUSTAVO: You Americans, you think everything is a talk show!

*********************

FRANCISCO: Which one is Sandburg? .......You don't look like much.

*********************

BLACK OR WHITE

JIM: I know your type! She's got a PhD in Asian studies and a minor in some bizarre Malaysian death-ritual.
BLAIR: So, what's wrong with that?
JIM: What do I look like? Your couple's hotline? Besides when that Jessie finds out what you're up to, she's probably gonna want to make you her case study in some weird ceremonial body-piercing ritual.
BLAIR: What, that's a bad thing?

************************

BLAIR: I've been in and out of therapy since I got out of my pampers! Anxiety and panic-attacks are a normal state of being for me!

************************

BROWN: Hey, Hairboy! I hear you're having problems with some girls!
BLAIR: Yeah.
BROWN: You know, I'm your man, I could help you out!
BLAIR: Really?
BROWN: But they might forget about you!

************************

JIM: If that place blows, you're gonna end up in another zip code.

************************

SIMON: I thought you said you were gonna talk to her?
JIM: I did...I didn't say I'd convince her.

*************************

JOEL: Why don't you come and give me a hand up on the roof?
BLAIR: No, sorry, I can't do that man. I've got this thing about heights.
JOEL: Wait a minute, what about that bridge in Nepal you told me about?
BLAIR: Well, that was an embellishment of the truth.
JIM: You mean a lie, right?
BLAIR: No, lies, they hurt man....these embellishments, they help!
JIM: Kinda like the embellishments in your love life, right?
BLAIR: No, no, I would call those more...romantic obfuscations.
SIMON: I call it BS!
BLAIR: Actually no. Technically BS is a form of male-bonding. It's a ritual, actually.
JIM: What happened to this thing called 'the truth'?
BLAIR; Oh yeah that. It’s...eh...totally overrated!
JIM: Obfuscations!

***********************

BLIND MAN'S BLUFF
(including the garage-scene)

BLAIR: 'Sneaks'...short for 'sneakers'. Why didn't you tell me?
JIM: You’ll be reimbursed from the snitch fund.
BLAIR: I hope they cover socks too, these are my favourite argyles!

*********************

MARGARET: Thanks for trying to keep us apart. It worked beautifully!
(I love Simon's frown there)

*********************

BLAIR Sound waves bounce off solid objects. You can approximate the size, the shape, the distance of an object by an echo.
JIM: If you're a flying rodent!

*********************

JIM: Why don't I treat you to a movie? Get out of here for a while.
BLAIR: What and leave you here alone with her? (accepts Jim's cash) A buck?!

*********************

BLAIR: You didn't hit on her at all?!
JIM: No, I didn't hit on her! All I did is whistle.
BLAIR: Whistle?
JIM: Yeah. (whistles) Whistle, like a bat.
BLAIR: Like a bat!

**********************

JIM: What's on my desk?
SIMON: Pizza, why?
JIM: Something else, it's...
SIMON: Let me see...
JIM: No! NO, No! Don't touch it! It's got that Golden-stuff on it! I can sense it!
SIMON: Jim, there's a piece missing. Someone ate this!
JIM: Oh God! Where's Sandburg? My backup .38 is missing. I keep my service revolver right here.
BROWN: Captain! We have a serious problem in the garage!

***********************

JIM: Let me talk to him!
SIMON: Are you crazy?! He wont even recognize you!
JIM: I've gotta try!

***********************

JIM: Blair? It's Jim...What's going on, buddy?
BLAIR: No need for applause, man. I've got it all covered.
JIM: (so softly) What's going on?
BLAIR: You don't see them? They're coming trough the walls and the floor man!
JIM: Who are?
BLAIR: The Golden Fire People. You don't see them, man? They're made out of fire and they're burnt. They think they're ashes but they're alive, man! And we gotta send them back!! (fires gun)
JIM: Easy buddy! Easy buddy! Blair, listen to me. Your gun isn't gonna work with the fire-people. They're not gonna be afraid of your fire, it's only gonna make them stronger. You've got to use the bat-echo-trick.
BLAIR: What trick?!
JIM: The one you taught me! You close your eyes and you clap your hands.
BLAIR: No man! That is NOT gonna work here!!
JIM: Blair, come on, try it. Trust me, you can save the world here, come on!
BLAIR: I don't think that's gonna work here, Jim...
JIM: Come on, gimme the gun.
BLAIR: I just don't think that's gonna work here...
JIM: Trust me... That's it...You gotta clap your hands...
SIMON: You did it! You did it!
BLAIR: I'm sorry...
JIM: That's okay...
SIMON: WE NEED A MEDIC OVER HERE, NOW!!!
JIM (cradling Blair...thud). Hang in there...It's all right...

************************

JIM: You remember Blind Man's Bluff? You're it!

***********************

BLAIR: How are your eyes doing?
JIM: Almost clear. Just have this, you know, this residual kinda fringe..
BLAIR: glow...
JIM: ...to it, Yeah. Kinda nice actually.

***********************

Light my Fire

JIM: Do you smell that?
BLAIR: What?
JIM: Smoke.
BLAIR: Ah, that's Tony's Grill. I told you it was on this street!
JIM: No, no, no. Whatever's burning, it's cooking a lot more than food.

*************************

BLAIR: What was that about?
JIM: Debra Reeves. She's an arson investigator.
BLAIR: You know her?
JIM: I've seen her working out at the gym a couple times. She's cute in a pit bull sort of way.

************************

GERSHWIN: How is your wife?
JIM: Well, now that she's divorced me and moved to San Francisco, just fine, thank you.

************************

JIM: Hey, Sam.
SAM: Jim!
JIM: This is Blair Sandburg. He's a consultant to the department.
SAM: Yes, we've met
BLAIR: Sam and I know each other socially.
SAM: Yeah, at least we did until Blair stood me up at a Sushi restaurant.
BLAIR: I got the dates mixed up.
SAM:That's what happens when you overbook.
JIM: Ouch!

************************

SAM: Let's do a little experiment. Blair, would you please put that in the sink? Okay, now put some water from the tap on it.

*EXPLOSION*
BLAIR: Whoa! You trying to kill me?! You did that on purpose.
SAM: Oh, it was just a harmless chemical reaction--kind of like your feelings for me.

************************

JIM: This is Mr. Zog's Sex Wax.
BLAIR: "Sex wax?"
JIM: Whoa, whoa, easy, Chief. It's what surfers use to coat their boards for traction in the water.

************************

JIM: So what's the deal with you and Samantha?
BLAIR: Can you believe that? She must still really like me.
JIM: Like you? She wanted to blow your face off.
BLAIR: That's just her way of showing affection. Like the way lions bat each other around before they mate.
JIM: Well, let me tell you something, if she likes you any more, you'd better buy some life insurance.

*************************

MATSON: I understand you're working with Deb on this case. You ready to kill her yet?

*************************

JIM: Well, that's what I smelled at the warehouse.
SAM: It's magnesium. I added it to control the burn. Napalm uses aluminium salt. But you're the first person I've ever met who can smell it in its inert state.
BLAIR: Yeah, he's a real sensitive guy.
SAM: Unlike his friends.

*************************

REEVES: Careful. That stuff will melt the hairs in your nose.
JIM: Or send a man to the moon.

*************************

JIM: If you'd allow me... I have an idea that I'd like to play out.
SIMON: How dangerous an idea?
JIM: Well, sir, let's just say if I'm wrong... the department won't have to worry about those retirements benefits it's going to owe me.
BLAIR: Uhm, wait a minute, quick question, or actually two. One, what's this idea and two, how involved in it am I?
JIM: Well, you're my partner, right?
BLAIR: Yeah...
JIM: Say no more, thank you, sir.

**************************

Jim and Blair in a car doing a stake-out for an arsonist. Blair puts on gloves and scarf.
JIM: I thought you were Mr. Outdoors. All that time spent out in the wilderness.
BLAIR: Yeah, most of it was in the jungle. The jungle is hot, remember? The thing that I don't understand-I mean-you're Mr. Heightened senses, how come the cold isn't bothering you?
JIM: It's not that cold.
BLAIR: Are you kidding me? If Matson doesn't get here pretty soon, I'm going to start a fire myself.

***************************

BLAIR: You know, a lot of primitive tribes, they believe that fire is a living spirit. The Indians consider it a sacred provider of warmth and protection. And to the Polynesians, it's a God. I remember once I was in the Fijian islands, I saw this fire dance. Jim, there was this dancer there... Oh, she had the best body.
JIM: You know, it's becoming crystal clear to me why you were drawn to anthropology in the first place... One track mind.
BLAIR: Don't cheapen it.

****************************

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