This site will be updated on a regular basis so check back often.
Yes, a decent pic for once. What do you think, I'm so kind of pervert? Better not answer that. So, doesn't he look all nice and tortured? And don't you just want to hug him to bits? Too late, I just squished him.
Funny Quotes
This site contains swearing and frequent use of various four-letter words, just thought I'd tell ya. Anyway, enjoy...
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- Roses are red
- Violets are blue,
- They're gonna need dental records
- To identify you.
From the atrocious movie 'Valentine' with Boreanaz.
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- Roses are red
- Violets are blue,
- I'm a schizophrenic
- and so am I
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- Do you think you could ever fall for me?
- Yeah, if you pushed me over.
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- What is this?
- It's called a punch.
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- That's not your money!
- It is too, I stole it!
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- You could call me a hopeless romantic.
- Oh yeah, you're hopeless all right.
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- I have a bathmat that means more to me than you do. I could spit in any direction and hit someone who's worth more than you.
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- Let's face it, garden slugs get more out of life than you.
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- I hate tinsel; it looks like a fairy has been flying around shitting all over the place.
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- Is this how you imagined your life?
- Yeah, but I was a very depressed child.
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- Are you sure he's not trying to kill me?
- Of course he isn't, he knows you're an idiot.
- Thank God.
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- I can't do it.
- You have to do it!
- No, I really can't. I've just taken 24 sleeping pills.
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- Would you like to tell him he's fired?
- I'd love to...but I've got my whole life ahead of me.
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- You shot me in the hand!
- I could've shot you through the heart, but it's Christmas Eve.
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- We've got a big surprise for you!
- Let me guess. You've been diagnosed with the Ebola virus and are about to burst and bleed out?
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- We are so screwed.
- Oh no, you're wrong. We are so far beyond screwed, that the light from Screwed wont reach us for another million years.
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- You used me as bait?!
- Get over it.
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- You're having a psychotic episode; thank you for sharing it with us.
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- My parents are dead.
- Did you kill them?
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- Gimme a name!
- Weren't your parents supposed to do that?
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- Do you have a point?
- You know, you'd think I would.
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- Do you know the Heimlich manoeuvre?
- No.
- Good.
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- The longer we don't know what's in his head, the longer we wont have to sleep in shifts.
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- Didn't I use to flush your head in High school?
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- Should you be drinking?
- I shouldn't even be breathing.
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- I like him, he's one sick puppy.
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- That certainly was insane.
- Thank you.
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- Are you sure you're not making it all up?
- Yeah...pretty sure.
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- Like I care what you know or don't know? I'm going to torture you anyway.
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- Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.
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- You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.
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- You know how to fire one of these?
- No.
- No?!
- Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker.
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- We'll be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes.
- Take your time. I expect to be dead in four.
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- What, were they psychos, or...?
- Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are.
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[After Richard blows up Benny's World of Liquor.]
- Low profile. Do you know what the words "low profile" mean?
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- You would need three promotions to be an asshole.
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- I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time..." and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.
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- He was crazy and he kept screamin', "you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!
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- I guess you can say we broke up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.
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- Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest
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- It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality
Tarantino about top gun
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- Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
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- You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
The untouchables
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- The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
The usual suspects
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- You want to be worshipped? Go to India and moo.
Quiz-Show
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- Don't mind her. She's just upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.
Beetlejuice
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- Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped.
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- In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, fire hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce…? The cuckoo clock.
The third man
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- No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
Kirk in Star Trek
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- Okay, so what am I doing? I'm chasing this guy... No, he's chasing me.
Memento
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- It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Office Space
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- Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
Van Wilder
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- I'm not sure she's capable of any real feelings. She's television generation. She learned life from Bugs Bunny.
Network
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Rose to Jack, right before she actually dumps him off the door:
- I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Jack.
Titanic, best and most hilarious quote ever
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Angel: I can't let anyone I care about get killed
Spike: I'll go
Angel: Okay
Angel
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Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.
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Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
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Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'
All three from the Simpsons
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